What Is Your Doritos?

Last summer I went to the beach with my family and a group of friends. We sat down couple of rows away from the water. After a while the kids including my son, David, who was five at the time, moved closer to the water to dig a hole and build a sand castle.

I approached the kids with a bag of Doritos in my hand admiring the work, and they asked me for some Doritos. Since their hands were covered with sand, I had fun feeding them. Few minutes later I walked back to join the grownups. When I sat down I looked back toward the kids and noticed that David was not there. When I shared my concern with the group, we all got up and frantically started to look for the kid.

The minutes moved by slowly as I felt my heart falling down into my stomach. His whole life passed quickly through my mind like a commemoration for a legend. Desperately we report the missing child to the lifeguards who signaled to the lifeguards at the adjacent beaches.

Few minutes later, which felt like eternity, a lifeguard from next beach showed up carrying David in his arms. After a sigh of relief I asked David, trying hard to conceal my anxiety,” What happened?“ He calmly answered,“I was looking for more Doritos.”

When I reflect on the story I realize that I often do the same thing. I feel a need for something (Doritos) – sometimes legitimate, sometimes not. Without contemplating how to get it or the risk involved, I just start moving without directions or a plan. Soon after, I found myself lost - away from my Father and my family.
Sin is like that. We feel a desperate need for something; we pursue it outside God’s plan and directions. Soon we find ourselves lost. So before that urge hits, it's good to ask yourself, what is my Doritos?

Homeboy Complex

In the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-31), the older son is usually looked down on. Instead of feeling happy for the return of his brother, he’s angry and refused to join in the celebration. It seems like he is overwhelmed by a sense of rejection and sibling rivalry.

However when I read the story I cannot help but to feel compassion towards the older son. In his words he has been slaving for his father through good and bad and never disobeyed his orders. Yet he never felt appreciated or celebrated. And one day his brother, who disobeyed, rebelled and, in essence, disowned his father and his family, shows up and, immediately, steals the show.

I think the older son complex is surprisingly common in families, communities and churches. When heads of families and leaders neglect to affirm, express appreciation and love to their people, people feel taken for granted, minimized and, even, rejected. The new people become the stars. The returned prodigals are always the apples of our eyes. And the homeboys become neglected, boring and unimportant.

Arguably the older son was doing what he was supposed to do. After all, why should he be rewarded for fulfilling his duties? Like a worker receiving his wages for his job – that is his reward. Why should there be anymore?

God in His wisdom created us with a need for ongoing love and affirmation. We need to know that we are valued and appreciated; even by people we see and deal with everyday. Women seem to be more in touch with this need than men. My wife has no problem asking me after 14 years of marriage, “Do you still love me?” “Yes, Honey, I do”. Then she casually turns to finish washing the dishes! One day I came home from work feeling unappreciated and undervalued. So I asked my wife the same question. “Do you still love me?” She looked at me like I have two heads!

A gesture of appreciation, a word of encouragement and an action of love can go a long way. The Bible says: Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (Ephesians 4:29)