Homeboy Complex
In the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-31), the older son is usually looked down on. Instead of feeling happy for the return of his brother, he’s angry and refused to join in the celebration. It seems like he is overwhelmed by a sense of rejection and sibling rivalry.
However when I read the story I cannot help but to feel compassion towards the older son. In his words he has been slaving for his father through good and bad and never disobeyed his orders. Yet he never felt appreciated or celebrated. And one day his brother, who disobeyed, rebelled and, in essence, disowned his father and his family, shows up and, immediately, steals the show.
I think the older son complex is surprisingly common in families, communities and churches. When heads of families and leaders neglect to affirm, express appreciation and love to their people, people feel taken for granted, minimized and, even, rejected. The new people become the stars. The returned prodigals are always the apples of our eyes. And the homeboys become neglected, boring and unimportant.
Arguably the older son was doing what he was supposed to do. After all, why should he be rewarded for fulfilling his duties? Like a worker receiving his wages for his job – that is his reward. Why should there be anymore?
God in His wisdom created us with a need for ongoing love and affirmation. We need to know that we are valued and appreciated; even by people we see and deal with everyday. Women seem to be more in touch with this need than men. My wife has no problem asking me after 14 years of marriage, “Do you still love me?” “Yes, Honey, I do”. Then she casually turns to finish washing the dishes! One day I came home from work feeling unappreciated and undervalued. So I asked my wife the same question. “Do you still love me?” She looked at me like I have two heads!
A gesture of appreciation, a word of encouragement and an action of love can go a long way. The Bible says: Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (Ephesians 4:29)
posted by Sami | 9:12 AM
6 Comments:
Good blog. Well, I love and appreciate you, Samster. It's true. Churches can be busy places, no different than a small corporation, where there's so much to do and so few people to do it. One can get sucked into the various serving vacuums and never be heard from again. We always need to be reminded to value the worker over the work. (PS-- I'll ask my wife if she loves me when I go home. See what happens.)
Welcome to Blogging!
I have to admit that I have always disliked this parable. I know what I'm 'supposed' to think about it, but my gut reaction is that the older brother got a raw deal.
I think the parable should be renamed "The Parable of the Father's Heart," rather than "The Prodigal Son." God's heart is so different from ours.
Ok you people are killing me here. too many great blogs to read and so little time!!! Sami welcome aboard!! I strongly agree with you and try to live my life encouraging people along their journey. It takes only a few moments to say something nice to someone but the effects of that can last a life time!! I appreciate all of you guys and am blessed to have met you all.
Sami, welcome to da neighborhud!
I concur with Ann, this is a tough parable to swallow. And it exposes my own heart. I'd probably behave the same way as the older brother.
On a humorous note concerning the "Do you still love me?" question.
There's this commercial where the wife come into the room and asks her husband if the dress she's wearing makes her look fat. The husband, oblivious to the question and engrossed in the newspaper he's reading, says "You betcha."
Talk about out of touch. Ouch!
If you were lucky enough to have only one brother growing up in an Italian...oh never mind!!! I love you too Sami!
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